October 15, 2026
You hug your child goodbye at the classroom door, and suddenly small arms are wrapped tightly around your neck. The tears start, the pleas begin, and you walk to the car with a heavy heart, wondering whether you are doing the right thing. If this sounds familiar, please know that you are not alone, and nothing has gone wrong.
At Runningbrook International Preschool, we have welcomed families from more than 35 countries since 1993, and we have seen many first-day goodbyes. One thing we have learned is that tears at drop-off, even for a couple of weeks, are among the most common and healthy parts of starting preschool. In this article, we explain why separation anxiety happens, what you might see during the adjustment period, and some simple strategies that can make goodbyes easier for both of you.
It may help to look at those tears differently. Separation anxiety is not a sign that your child is fragile or that something is wrong. In most cases, it shows a strong, secure bond between you and your child.
Attachment theory, first developed by psychiatrist John Bowlby and later expanded by psychologist Mary Ainsworth, describes how young children rely on their primary caregivers as a secure base. From that safe base, they explore the world. When that base suddenly leaves, protesting makes complete sense. Your child is saying, "You are important to me, and I want you close."
The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that separation anxiety often appears in the second half of the first year, commonly peaks between about 10 and 18 months, and usually eases during the third year of life. It can also come back at any age during big changes, such as starting preschool, moving house, or welcoming a new sibling.
In other words, your child is not "behind" or "too attached." They are doing exactly what young children are built to do. And just as importantly, they are developing the skills to cope with separation, one goodbye at a time.
Children develop at different rates, and adjustment to preschool is no exception. Some children wave goodbye happily on day one and then cry in week three, when they realize this new routine is here to stay. Others cry hard for the first ten days and then walk in smiling. Some need a little longer. Temperament, previous experiences with caregivers, language, family changes, and even sleep can all play a role.
A period of around two weeks of tears is very common, and many children settle within a few weeks. If your child takes more time, that is not a failure. It simply means they need a bit more time to build trust in their new environment.
Knowing what is typical can make drop-offs feel much less worrying. Here are some behaviors you might notice, depending on your child's age.
At this age, children cannot yet understand explanations about time, so consistency and warm, responsive caregivers matter most. In programs like our Growing Steps group, educators focus on building one-on-one relationships through holding, singing, and gentle play.
Many parents describe something like this: drop-off is full of tears, and the parent spends the morning worrying. Then, at pickup, the child is happily building a tower in the sandbox and doesn't want to leave. This is very common. Children often express their biggest feelings at the moment of transition and then settle once they are engaged in play. Our educators are always happy to share how your child is doing after you leave, so you don't have to wonder.
It is also common for children to hold it together all day and then fall apart at home. This is a sign they feel safest with you. Home is where they can release the effort of adjusting to something new.
In a multicultural environment like ours, families bring different expectations about independence, sleep, feeding, and closeness. In some cultures, young children spend most of their early years with grandparents or extended family. In others, early independence is encouraged. Neither approach is right or wrong. They simply shape how a child experiences separation.
For children entering a bilingual education setting, hearing a less familiar language can add another layer to the adjustment. That is why our educators use gestures, songs, routines, and the child's home language when possible, so every child feels understood from the very first day.
You are the expert on your own child. You know what calms them, what makes them laugh, and what overwhelms them. The ideas below are a starting point that you can adapt to your family.
A consistent routine helps children know what is coming next. It might be two hugs, a high-five, and a wave from the window. Keep it warm and brief. Long goodbyes, while well-intentioned, often make the separation harder for children because they prolong the uncertainty.
It can be tempting to slip away while your child is distracted, but this can make children more anxious and watchful the next day. A clear, confident goodbye builds trust: "I'm going to work now. I'll pick you up after snack time. I love you." Linking your return to a part of the routine (after lunch, after nap) works better than clock times for young children.
Children are skilled at reading our emotions. It's completely normal to feel a lump in your throat. Try to show your child a calm, reassuring face at the door, and save your own tears for the car. Your confidence tells your child: "This is a safe place, and you can do this."
A family photo, a small soft toy, or even a scarf that smells like you can provide comfort during the day. Some families draw a small heart on their child's hand and on their own, as a reminder that they are thinking of each other.
Read stories about starting school, play "preschool" with stuffed animals, and talk about the educators and friends by name. Acknowledge feelings without dismissing them: "You felt sad when I left. That's okay. And then you played with the play dough!" Naming emotions helps children understand and manage them over time.
Share what works at home: a favorite song, how your child likes to be comforted, or words they use in your home language. The more we know, the better we can support your child. Consistent attendance during the first weeks also helps, because regular routines build familiarity faster.
Our child-centered approach means we follow each child's pace instead of expecting everyone to adjust in the same way. Small group sizes allow our educators to give individual attention, offer a lap when it's needed, and notice the small moments when a child begins to feel at home.
Play-based learning is one of the most powerful tools for easing separation. When a child becomes absorbed in painting, digging in the garden, or pretending to cook in the play kitchen, their attention gradually shifts from the goodbye to the joy of discovery. Our indoor and outdoor play spaces give children many inviting ways to connect, explore, and build friendships.
Research in early childhood development consistently highlights that warm, responsive relationships with caregivers are the foundation for learning. Educators can become what attachment researchers call a secondary attachment figure: a trusted adult who provides comfort until the parent returns. Building that trust is our first priority, before any other learning goal.
Most separation anxiety eases with time and consistency. Still, it's always a good idea to talk with your child's educators or pediatrician if the distress seems to be getting stronger instead of gradually easing after several weeks, if your child shows significant changes in sleep, eating, or behavior that last a long time, or if your instinct tells you something is off. Trust that instinct. You know your child best.
Those tearful mornings are hard, and it's okay to find them hard. But each goodbye followed by a happy reunion teaches your child something valuable: people who love me leave, and they come back. That lesson builds the self-esteem, independence, and social confidence that will support them for years to come.
Remember that you are your child's first and most important teacher, and the expert on who they are. Your love, patience, and steady presence are exactly what your child needs during this transition. With time, the tears will be replaced by waves, smiles, and maybe even a quick "Bye, Mom!" as they run off to play.
If you have questions about your child's adjustment, our team is always here to talk. We are on this journey together.