October 19, 2026
You kneel down, zip up a tiny jacket, give one last hug, and then it happens: the lip trembles, small arms grip your neck, and the tears start. Maybe you walk to the car with your own eyes stinging, wondering whether you are doing the right thing. If this sounds familiar, you are in very good company.
At Runningbrook International Preschool, we have welcomed more than 1,200 families from over 35 countries since 1993. We have seen many first days, and we can tell you this: tears at drop-off are one of the most common and natural parts of starting preschool. For many children, crying on and off for the first two weeks (sometimes a little longer) is completely normal.
In this article, we explain why separation anxiety happens, what you might see during the adjustment period, and practical steps you can take to support your child, and yourself, along the way.
It may feel hard to believe when your child is sobbing at the door, but separation anxiety is actually a sign that something is going right. It shows that your child has formed a secure, loving attachment to you.
Research in early childhood development has explored this for decades. Psychiatrist John Bowlby's attachment theory, later expanded by psychologist Mary Ainsworth, showed that young children use their primary caregivers as a secure base: a safe place from which to explore the world and to return to when they feel unsure. When that base walks away, even briefly, protest is a natural response.
The American Academy of Pediatrics notes that separation anxiety commonly appears between about 8 and 12 months, often peaks between 10 and 18 months, and usually eases gradually over the toddler and early preschool years. However, it can resurface at any age when a child faces something new, like starting preschool, moving house, or welcoming a new sibling.
The Harvard Center on the Developing Child also emphasizes that responsive, consistent relationships with caring adults help children build the skills to manage stress. In other words, when your child learns that you always come back, and that other trusted adults can comfort them in the meantime, they are building resilience that will serve them for life.
Every child is unique, and children develop at different rates. Some walk in on day one without looking back, only to cry in week two once they realize this is a new routine. Others cry intensely at first and settle within days. Both patterns are normal.
Here is what you might notice during the first few weeks:
Babies (6 months to 2 years), like those in our Growing Steps program, may cry when they lose sight of a parent and are often comforted by a consistent caregiver, familiar objects, and predictable routines.
Toddlers (2 to 3 years) in Playgroup may protest loudly and physically, since they have strong feelings but are still developing the words to express them.
Preschoolers (3 to 6 years) in Kid's Club and Pre-Kinder may express worries verbally: they might ask, "When are you coming back?" or say they have a tummy ache in the morning. Older children can also benefit from talking about feelings and understanding the daily schedule.
In our multicultural environment, we see how family traditions shape the transition. In many Chilean and Latin American families, young children spend much of their time with parents, grandparents, or a nana, and close extended family ties are highly valued. Other families may have used group childcare from an early age. Some cultures encourage early independence, while others prioritize closeness and co-regulation for longer. None of these approaches is better or worse; they simply mean each child arrives with different experiences. For children in bilingual education, hearing a new language can add another layer of novelty, which is why our educators make sure children feel understood and welcomed in both languages.
You cannot (and do not need to) prevent every tear. Your goal is to help your child feel safe enough to cope with the feeling. These strategies can help starting today:
A consistent routine helps your child know what to expect. It could be a special handshake, two hugs and a kiss, or waving from the window. Keep it warm, brief, and the same every day. Long, drawn-out goodbyes often make the separation harder for everyone.
It can be tempting to slip away while your child is distracted, but this can undermine trust. A simple, confident message works best: "I love you. I am going to work, and I will pick you up after snack time." Linking your return to a part of their day (rather than a clock time) makes it easier for young children to understand.
A small comfort object, such as a family photo, a soft toy, or even a scarf that smells like you, can act as a bridge between home and preschool. Ask your child's educator what works best in their classroom.
Children process experiences through play. Try acting out drop-off with stuffed animals: the teddy bear goes to school, plays with friends, and mommy or daddy comes back. Reading picture books about starting school can also open conversations about feelings. Name emotions without dismissing them: "You feel sad when I leave. That makes sense. And your teacher will be there to help you."
Children are remarkably good at reading our emotions. It is completely okay to feel sad, but try to show calm confidence at the door, then let it out later if you need to. Stay in touch with your child's educators; at Runningbrook, we are happy to share how your child settled after you left. Keeping a consistent attendance schedule during the first weeks also helps your child adapt more quickly.
Our child-centered approach means we follow each child's pace rather than expecting everyone to adjust on the same timeline. We offer a gradual adaptation period, and we work closely with families to adjust it when needed.
Here is how we support children through this important step:
Play is not just a distraction from missing mom or dad; it is how children build confidence, practice managing emotions, and make their first friendships. Over time, the preschool becomes a second secure base, a place where your child feels known and valued.
Most children settle gradually within a few weeks, but every child is different. Consider checking in with your child's educators or pediatrician if the distress seems to be getting stronger rather than easing after several weeks, if your child is very distressed throughout the whole day, or if separation worries are significantly affecting sleep, eating, or play at home. Reaching out is never an overreaction; it is part of working together.
Those tears at the door are not a sign that you have made the wrong choice or that your child is not ready. They are a sign of love and attachment, and with time, patience, and consistency, they usually give way to excited waves and stories about new friends.
Remember: you are the expert on your own child. You know their temperament, their comfort cues, and what helps them feel safe. Trust that knowledge, share it with your child's educators, and know that you do not have to navigate this transition alone.
At Runningbrook, we are honored to partner with you during this important stage of early childhood development. Two weeks of tears can feel long, but they are often the beginning of a confident, curious, and joyful journey, and every time you come back, your child learns that the world is a safe place to explore.