September 8, 2025
At Runningbrook International Preschool, where we've supported families from over 35 countries since 1993, we understand that tantrums can feel overwhelming for parents. However, these intense emotional moments are actually a normal and important part of your child's development. This article will help you understand why tantrums happen and provide you with practical, evidence-based strategies to respond effectively while supporting your child's emotional growth.
Tantrums look different depending on your child's age and developmental stage. Research shows that tantrums typically peak between 18 months and 3 years, though they can continue well into the preschool years as children learn to navigate their emotions.
For toddlers (18 months - 3 years): You might see intense crying, throwing objects, hitting, or dropping to the ground. At this age, tantrums often stem from frustration with limited language skills and the struggle between wanting independence and needing help.
For preschoolers (3-5 years): Tantrums may include verbal expressions of anger, negotiating, or dramatic behaviors. These children have more language but are still learning emotional regulation skills and testing boundaries.
For school-age children (5-6 years): While less common, tantrums at this age often relate to feeling overwhelmed, tired, or facing unexpected changes to routines.
It's crucial to remember that children develop at different rates. What's typical for one child may not be for another, and cultural factors can also influence how emotions are expressed and managed within families.
Understanding the 'why' behind tantrums can transform how you respond to them. According to child development research, tantrums occur because the emotional part of a young child's brain develops much faster than the logical, reasoning part. Dr. Daniel Siegel's research on brain development shows that children under 6 are literally unable to think rationally when they're in the midst of big emotions.
Common tantrum triggers include:
At Runningbrook, our child-centered approach recognizes that tantrums are communication attempts. In our multicultural environment, we see how different families have varying comfort levels with emotional expression, and we work to support each family's approach while helping children develop healthy coping strategies.
1. Stay Calm and Regulate Yourself First
Your emotional state directly impacts your child's ability to calm down. When you remain calm, you're modeling emotional regulation and providing the safety your child needs to work through their feelings. Take deep breaths, soften your voice, and remember that this moment will pass.
2. Validate Their Feelings
Even if the reason for the tantrum seems trivial to you, it's very real to your child. Try saying things like: "You're really upset that we have to leave the playground" or "You wanted that toy so much, and you're disappointed." This validation doesn't mean giving in to demands—it means acknowledging their emotional experience.
3. Offer Comfort and Connection
Some children need physical comfort during tantrums, while others need space. Follow your child's cues. You might offer a hug, sit nearby quietly, or simply say, "I'm here when you're ready." This approach aligns with our play-based learning philosophy at Runningbrook, where we prioritize emotional safety and connection.
4. Use Simple, Clear Language
During a tantrum, your child's ability to process complex information is limited. Keep your words simple and your expectations clear. Instead of lengthy explanations, try: "First calm body, then we can talk" or "I see you're upset. Breathe with me."
5. Problem-Solve Together After the Storm
Once your child has calmed down, engage them in finding solutions. Ask questions like: "What could we try differently next time?" or "How can I help you when you feel frustrated?" This builds their problem-solving skills and emotional intelligence for the future.
While you can't prevent all tantrums—nor should you try, as they're important learning experiences—you can create conditions that reduce their frequency and intensity.
Establish Predictable Routines: Children thrive with structure. Having consistent meal times, nap schedules, and bedtime routines helps prevent the overtiredness and hunger that often trigger tantrums.
Offer Choices Within Limits: Give your child age-appropriate choices to foster their growing independence. "Would you like to brush your teeth first or put on pajamas first?" gives them control while maintaining your overall expectations.
Build Emotional Vocabulary: In our bilingual education environment at Runningbrook, we've seen how expanding children's emotional vocabulary in both languages helps them express feelings before they become overwhelming. Read books about emotions, name feelings when you see them, and model emotional expression yourself.
Recognize Early Warning Signs: Every child has unique signs that they're becoming overwhelmed. Maybe they get clingy, start whining, or become hyperactive. Learning to recognize these signs allows you to intervene with support before a full tantrum develops.
In our multicultural environment at Runningbrook, we've learned that different cultures have varying expectations around emotional expression. Some families encourage open emotional expression, while others value emotional control. There's no single "right" approach, and it's important to honor your family's values while supporting your child's emotional development.
Remember, you are the expert on your own child. Trust your instincts about what works best for your family, while remaining open to new strategies that might help your child grow and learn.
While tantrums are normal, there are times when additional support might be helpful. Consider reaching out to your child's teachers, pediatrician, or a child development specialist if:
Tantrums are not a reflection of your parenting or your child's character—they're a normal part of early childhood development and emotional learning. Each tantrum is an opportunity for your child to practice working through big emotions with your loving support.
At Runningbrook International Preschool, we believe in the power of patient, responsive relationships to support children's growth. Our child-centered approach recognizes that emotional development takes time and practice, just like learning to walk or talk. When you respond to tantrums with empathy and consistency, you're teaching your child that they are loved and supported, even during their most difficult moments.
Remember that this phase will pass. The strategies you use today to support your child through tantrums are building the foundation for their emotional intelligence, resilience, and self-regulation skills that will serve them throughout their lives. Trust the process, trust your child's ability to learn and grow, and most importantly, trust yourself as their most important teacher and guide.
Your patience, understanding, and consistent support during these challenging moments are gifts that will help your child develop into a confident, emotionally healthy individual. Every family's journey looks different, but with love, understanding, and effective strategies, you can navigate this developmental stage successfully while strengthening your bond with your child.