Runningbrook International Preschool
San Carlos Center: Carlos Peña Otaegui 11206 (intersection La Fuente) San Carlos de Apoquindo, Las Condes
Runningbrook International Preschool
San Carlos Center: Carlos Peña Otaegui 11206 (intersection La Fuente) San Carlos de Apoquindo, Las Condes
July 2, 2026
You are at a birthday party. Your child receives a gift, tears off the wrapping paper, and races off to play, leaving the giver standing there. Your cheeks flush. "What do you say?" you prompt, a little too brightly. After a pause, a mumbled "thank you" arrives, delivered without eye contact and clearly without meaning. Everyone smiles politely, and the moment passes.
If this scene feels familiar, you are in wonderful company. Nearly every parent has coached a reluctant "thank you" out of a small child. But here is a question worth sitting with: does that prompted phrase actually teach gratitude? Or does it simply teach children to say a word that makes adults happy?
At Runningbrook, where we have walked alongside more than 1,200 families from over 35 countries since 1993, we have learned something important. Genuine gratitude is not a phrase children recite. It is a feeling they grow into, and the most powerful way to nurture it is not through instruction but through modeling. Let's explore why.
Understanding what is developmentally realistic can take enormous pressure off both you and your child. Gratitude is a surprisingly complex emotion. It requires a child to recognize that someone did something kind, to understand that the person chose to do it, and to connect that kindness to their own feelings. That is a lot of cognitive and emotional work for a young brain.
Research in early childhood development supports this. Psychologists Jonathan Tudge and Lia Freitas, who have studied the development of gratitude across cultures, have found that genuine gratitude, the kind that involves understanding another person's intentions, typically does not emerge until around ages 7 to 10. Before that, children may say thankful words, but the deeper understanding is still developing.
Here is roughly what you might notice at different stages:
It is also worth remembering that children develop at their own pace. One four-year-old may express warmth easily while another is still growing into it, and both are perfectly on track. Your child is not behind because they forgot to say thank you at the party.
Young children are extraordinary imitators. Long before they understand our words, they are studying our actions, our tone, and our emotional reactions. This is precisely why modeling gratitude reaches them in a way that instruction cannot.
When you say "thank you so much for helping me carry the groceries" to your partner, or thank the cashier at the supermarket with genuine warmth, your child witnesses gratitude in its natural habitat. They see that it is connected to real feeling, real kindness, and real relationships. This is very different from the transactional "say thank you" that follows a gift, which can feel to a child like a password they must recite to be released.
Forced manners can also produce an unintended side effect. When a child is repeatedly prompted, they may learn to associate "thank you" with mild embarrassment or pressure rather than warmth. The words become a performance for adults rather than an expression of something they feel inside.
This connects deeply to Runningbrook's child-centered, play-based approach. We do not believe in drilling social scripts into children. Instead, we create an environment rich in warm relationships, where educators model kindness and appreciation constantly throughout the day. In our multicultural environment, children absorb gratitude the same way they absorb language, through immersion, repetition, and genuine connection rather than through commands.
The good news is that raising a grateful child does not require pressure or perfection. It requires presence and a few gentle habits woven into daily life. Here are some strategies you can begin using today.
Let your child hear you being thankful in everyday moments. "I am so grateful it stopped raining so we could go to the park." "Thank you for waiting so patiently while I finished the call." When gratitude is part of the soundtrack of your home, children learn its rhythm naturally.
Instead of only prompting "say thank you," try helping your child notice the kindness itself. "Look, grandma made your favorite cake. That was so thoughtful of her." This helps children connect the action to the emotion, which is the true foundation of gratitude.
At dinner or bedtime, you might share one thing you each appreciated about the day. For a toddler, this may be as simple as "I liked the dog we saw." These small rituals make noticing good things a natural habit rather than a forced exercise.
Gratitude grows through generosity. Invite your child to help make a card for a friend, share a snack, or help you prepare something for a family member. When children experience the joy of giving, they better understand the kindness of receiving.
If your child does not say thank you at the party, you do not need to force it in front of everyone. You can model it yourself in the moment, and revisit it gently later: "That was so kind of your friend to share their toy today." Removing the spotlight allows genuine feeling to develop without shame.
In our community of families from more than 35 countries, we see beautifully that gratitude is expressed differently across cultures. In some traditions, appreciation is spoken often and openly; in others, it is shown through actions, food, or acts of service. There is no single correct way, and this diversity is one of the richest parts of our multicultural environment. Trust your own family's traditions, and know that your child is learning gratitude in whatever form your family lives it.
As you nurture gratitude in your little one, please remember this: you know your child better than anyone. You know when a quiet "thank you" was actually a huge step, and when your child is simply tired rather than ungrateful. These research insights and gentle strategies are here to support you, not to replace the wisdom you already carry as a parent.
Raising a grateful child is not about winning the polite word at the birthday party. It is about the slow, beautiful work of helping a small human notice the kindness around them and feel moved by it. That work happens not through commands, but through the thousand small moments in which your child watches you live with gratitude.
At Runningbrook, we are honored to partner with you in that journey. Through our child-centered approach and play-based learning, we nurture the self-esteem, social confidence, and empathy that make genuine gratitude possible. And every warm "thank you" you model at home becomes part of the foundation your child will carry for a lifetime.