Runningbrook International Preschool
San Carlos Center: Carlos Peña Otaegui 11206 (intersection La Fuente) San Carlos de Apoquindo, Las Condes
Runningbrook International Preschool
San Carlos Center: Carlos Peña Otaegui 11206 (intersection La Fuente) San Carlos de Apoquindo, Las Condes
May 14, 2026
Few moments in parenting feel as challenging—or as isolating—as watching your toddler hit, bite, or push another child. Your heart sinks, your cheeks flush, and a thousand questions flood your mind: Why is my child doing this? Did I do something wrong? Will they always be like this?
Take a deep breath. You are not alone, and your child's aggressive behavior, while difficult, is remarkably common in early childhood development. In fact, it's often a sign that your little one is growing, learning about the world, and trying to communicate needs they don't yet have the words to express.
At Runningbrook International Preschool, we've been supporting families from more than 35 countries since 1993, and we've seen countless children navigate this challenging phase successfully. Our child-centered approach emphasizes understanding the whole child—their emotions, their developmental stage, and their unique personality. In this guide, we'll help you understand why aggressive behavior happens and share practical, research-backed strategies you can use to support your child through this phase with patience and compassion.
Aggressive behavior in young children can take many forms, and understanding what's developmentally typical can help put your mind at ease while guiding your response.
Research from the American Academy of Pediatrics confirms that aggressive behavior peaks between ages 2 and 3, coinciding with what many parents know as "the terrible twos." This isn't because toddlers are inherently "bad"—it's because their brains are developing rapidly, but the parts responsible for impulse control and emotional regulation are still under construction.
Consider what your toddler is experiencing:
It's important to remember that children develop at different rates. Some children may go through this phase earlier, later, more intensely, or more mildly than others. What matters most is not comparing your child to others but observing their individual patterns and progress.
Growing Steps (6 months - 2 years): Babies and young toddlers may bite, pull hair, or hit as a form of exploration or sensory seeking. They don't yet understand that their actions cause pain. At this stage, aggressive behaviors are rarely intentional.
Playgroup (2-3 years): This is typically when aggressive behavior peaks. Children are developing a strong sense of "mine" and struggle with sharing. Frustration tolerance is low, and physical responses are often their first instinct.
Kid's Club (3-4 years): As language develops, physical aggression often decreases, but verbal aggression may increase. Children are learning social rules and may test boundaries repeatedly.
Pre-Kinder (4-6 years): Most children show significant improvement in self-regulation. Aggressive episodes become less frequent, though they may still occur during times of stress, transition, or fatigue.
Before we can effectively address aggressive behavior, it helps to understand why it happens. Toddlers aren't being "bad" or "naughty"—they're communicating something important.
Imagine feeling intensely frustrated but lacking the words to explain why. That's your toddler's daily reality. When language fails them, their bodies take over. Hitting, biting, and pushing become their vocabulary for "I'm overwhelmed," "I want that," or "I need space."
Young children experience emotions with remarkable intensity. What seems like a small disappointment to us—a broken cracker, the wrong color cup—can feel catastrophic to them. Their nervous systems haven't yet learned to regulate these big feelings.
Hunger, fatigue, overstimulation, or illness can dramatically lower a child's threshold for frustration. Many parents notice aggressive behavior increases when routines are disrupted or during transitions.
Toddlers are natural scientists, constantly testing cause and effect. "What happens when I push my friend? Will I get the toy? Will an adult come? What's everyone's reaction?" This isn't manipulation—it's learning.
At Runningbrook, our multicultural environment has taught us that families from different cultures may have varying perspectives on childhood behavior, discipline, and emotional expression. Some cultures encourage assertiveness from an early age, while others prioritize harmony and restraint. There's no single "right" approach—what matters is consistency, warmth, and understanding your child's unique needs within your family's values.
Now for the practical part: what can you actually do when your toddler acts aggressively? Here are five evidence-based strategies that align with our play-based learning philosophy and can be implemented immediately.
This is perhaps the most challenging—and most important—strategy. When your child acts aggressively, your own nervous system may activate. You might feel embarrassed, frustrated, or angry. However, your calm response is the most powerful teaching tool you have.
What this looks like in practice:
When children see us managing our own emotions, they begin to learn that big feelings can be contained and regulated. This is the foundation of emotional intelligence.
One of the most powerful approaches in early childhood development is separating the feeling from the behavior. All feelings are acceptable; not all behaviors are.
Try phrases like:
This approach validates your child's emotional experience while maintaining clear boundaries. It teaches them that their feelings are not the problem—but they need to find acceptable ways to express them.
It's not enough to tell children what NOT to do—we must teach them what TO do instead. Our bilingual education approach at Runningbrook includes teaching emotional vocabulary in both English and Spanish, giving children more tools to express themselves.
Alternatives to aggression:
Practice these alternatives during calm moments, not just during conflicts. Role-play with stuffed animals or dolls. The more your child rehearses these skills when regulated, the more accessible they'll be during difficult moments.
Many aggressive incidents can be prevented by addressing underlying needs and creating supportive environments. At Runningbrook, our extensive indoor and outdoor play spaces are designed to reduce conflict by providing ample materials and room for exploration.
Preventive strategies:
Dr. Daniel Siegel, renowned neuroscientist and author, emphasizes the importance of connection in helping children regulate their emotions. Before addressing behavior, ensure your child feels seen and safe.
Connection strategies:
Once children feel connected and their nervous systems begin to calm, they're far more receptive to learning and correction.
While aggressive behavior is developmentally normal, certain signs may warrant consultation with your pediatrician or a child development specialist:
Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. At Runningbrook, our small group sizes and dedicated educators allow us to closely observe each child and partner with families when concerns arise.
Our child-centered approach recognizes that aggressive behavior is just one piece of a child's complex developmental journey. In our play-based learning environment, children have countless opportunities to practice social skills, emotional regulation, and conflict resolution in a safe, supportive setting.
Our educators are trained to:
Having educated over 1,200 families since 1993, we've learned that every child's journey is unique. The same approaches don't work for everyone, and that's okay. What matters is understanding your child, staying connected, and trusting the process.
If you're reading this article, you're already doing something important: seeking to understand your child and find better ways to support them. That effort matters more than you know.
Aggressive behavior in toddlers can feel overwhelming, but it is almost always a phase—a challenging but temporary part of your child's development. With patience, consistency, and compassion, most children move through this stage and develop healthy social and emotional skills.
Remember: you are the expert on your own child. You know their patterns, their triggers, their unique personality. Trust your instincts while remaining open to new strategies and perspectives.
At Runningbrook International Preschool, we believe in partnering with families to support each child's growth. Whether your child is just beginning to explore the world in our Growing Steps program or preparing for kindergarten in Pre-Kinder, we're here to walk alongside you.
Your child's big emotions are a sign of their developing brain, their emerging independence, and their growing awareness of the world around them. With your guidance and love, they will learn to channel those emotions in healthy ways. You've got this—and so does your child.