June 29, 2026
If you have ever watched your toddler dissolve into tears in the middle of a supermarket aisle, or felt your heart race as your preschooler arches their back and screams over a snack that was cut the "wrong" way, you are not alone. Tantrums are one of the most universal experiences of early parenting, and yet they can leave even the most loving, capable parent feeling overwhelmed, embarrassed, or unsure of what to do.
At Runningbrook International Preschool, where we have welcomed over 1200 families from more than 35 countries since 1993, we have seen thousands of tantrums come and go. Here is the reassuring truth we want you to carry with you: a tantrum is not a sign that something has gone wrong. It is a sign that your child is developing exactly as they should.
In this article, we offer a simple, memorable framework to help you respond with calm and confidence: Before, During, and After. Think of it as three moments that turn a stressful meltdown into an opportunity for connection and growth.
Tantrums are a normal part of early childhood development. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, tantrums are most common between the ages of one and three, peaking around age two, when children have big feelings and big wants but not yet the language or the brain development to manage them.
Here is what is happening underneath: the part of the brain responsible for self-control, the prefrontal cortex, is still very much under construction. As pediatric experts and researchers in early childhood, such as those at Harvard's Center on the Developing Child, remind us, young children quite literally cannot "calm down" on command, because the neural pathways for self-regulation are still forming. They build those pathways through repeated, supportive experiences with a calm adult.
Depending on your child's age, tantrums may look different:
It is worth remembering that every child develops at their own pace. Some children move through the tantrum years quickly; others take longer. Neither is a problem to be solved, simply a rhythm to be respected.
Many tantrums can be softened, though never entirely eliminated, by thinking ahead. The goal is not to prevent every meltdown but to reduce the pressure on your child's still-developing emotional system.
When the tantrum is in full swing, your most powerful tool is your own calm. Children borrow our nervous systems to regulate their own, a concept researchers call co-regulation. When you stay steady, you become the anchor your child needs.
Once the storm has passed, this is the moment for connection, not punishment. The repair afterward is where much of the learning happens.
Our child-centered, play-based philosophy is built on the belief that children learn best when they feel safe, seen, and respected. The Before, During, After framework reflects exactly how our dedicated educators support children every day, in our small groups and across our generous indoor and outdoor play spaces.
When a child has a difficult moment at our preschool, we do not rush to silence the feeling. We get down to their level, we name what is happening, and we stay close. This is early childhood development in action, and it is woven into our bilingual, multicultural environment, where children from many backgrounds learn that all feelings are welcome, even when all behaviors are not.
We also recognize that families bring different cultural perspectives on emotion and discipline. Some families value quiet composure; others encourage open expression. There is no single "right" way, and we honor the rich diversity of our community. What matters most is the warm, consistent relationship between you and your child.
Tantrums can test your patience, your nerves, and sometimes your sense of yourself as a parent. But please hear this: handling a tantrum well does not mean handling it perfectly. It means showing up, again and again, with as much warmth as you can find in the moment.
You are the expert on your own child. You know their rhythms, their triggers, and the small gestures that comfort them better than anyone. Use the Before, During, After framework as a gentle guide, not a rulebook, and trust the deep knowledge you already carry.
Every tantrum your child moves through, with you by their side, is helping them build the emotional skills they will carry for life. And every time you respond with patience, you are teaching the most important lesson of all: that they are loved, exactly as they are.